Thank God in Heaven that MSNBC is bringing news junkies like myself the stories that really matter. In case no one else has noticed, MSNBC has the most attractive anchors in twenty-four-hour news, but aside from that, MSNBC is the self-described, "place for politics." How could I not watch?
Well, today the good folks at my favorite cable news network are doing more than their share to help undecided voters pick their ponies. In the most exciting presidential race in forty years, a race with no incumbent president or vice president running for either party, a race (especially on the democratic side) that is closer than anyone would have ever expected, only the folks at MSNBC are doing their part to leave no stone unturned. In the last two hours, MSNBC has shown me, eager viewer numero uno, the same compelling graphic no less than three times, and now I would like to share it with you:
Campaign Bakery Bills:
Clinton: $5,950.53
Dodd: $3,301.22
Obama: $1,877.28
McCain: $1,040.49
Romney: $ 992.91
courtesy of MSNBC
Yes, Dear Friends (an expression I've picked up from Senator McCain), isn't it just like a liberal to be a big spender in the pastry department. But I have to hand it to her, Senator Clinton knows that the way to a voter's heart is through his or her stomach and has allocated her donut money accordingly. Senator Obama, widely accepted as the most liberal candidate has spent less than 2 grand on donuts. Who are you trying to fool, Senator Obama? Don't think that, just because you're in the middle of the pack in the pastry expenditures department, the more fiscally conservative independents are going to be foolish enough to think you're not going to spend this country into the ground. Governor Romney, that cheap bastard, never even broke the thousand dollar mark. Perhaps it is this thriftiness that's made him the millionaire that he is.
More telling than what's on the chart is what isn't. Where's Mike Huckabee? Perhaps, as a thank you for spreading The Word, Sweet Baby Jesus, Himself, provides the Southern Baptist preacher and vehement creationist with donuts free of charge. Governor Huckabee is, after all, in the business of miracles. Just ask him. And where is everyone's favorite libertarian, Ron Paul? Well, I think the answer is simple. He firmly believes that the government should not be responsible for supplying its people with pastries. The people should feel free to invest their pastry money in what ever way they see fit. Maybe they don't want to invest in pastries at all. Maybe they're a bacon and eggs kind of crowd. "Buy your own fucking breakfast," says the Texas congressman.
Tune in next week when MSNBC reveals which candidate tops the list in toilet paper spending.
Well, today the good folks at my favorite cable news network are doing more than their share to help undecided voters pick their ponies. In the most exciting presidential race in forty years, a race with no incumbent president or vice president running for either party, a race (especially on the democratic side) that is closer than anyone would have ever expected, only the folks at MSNBC are doing their part to leave no stone unturned. In the last two hours, MSNBC has shown me, eager viewer numero uno, the same compelling graphic no less than three times, and now I would like to share it with you:
Campaign Bakery Bills:
Clinton: $5,950.53
Dodd: $3,301.22
Obama: $1,877.28
McCain: $1,040.49
Romney: $ 992.91
courtesy of MSNBC
Yes, Dear Friends (an expression I've picked up from Senator McCain), isn't it just like a liberal to be a big spender in the pastry department. But I have to hand it to her, Senator Clinton knows that the way to a voter's heart is through his or her stomach and has allocated her donut money accordingly. Senator Obama, widely accepted as the most liberal candidate has spent less than 2 grand on donuts. Who are you trying to fool, Senator Obama? Don't think that, just because you're in the middle of the pack in the pastry expenditures department, the more fiscally conservative independents are going to be foolish enough to think you're not going to spend this country into the ground. Governor Romney, that cheap bastard, never even broke the thousand dollar mark. Perhaps it is this thriftiness that's made him the millionaire that he is.
More telling than what's on the chart is what isn't. Where's Mike Huckabee? Perhaps, as a thank you for spreading The Word, Sweet Baby Jesus, Himself, provides the Southern Baptist preacher and vehement creationist with donuts free of charge. Governor Huckabee is, after all, in the business of miracles. Just ask him. And where is everyone's favorite libertarian, Ron Paul? Well, I think the answer is simple. He firmly believes that the government should not be responsible for supplying its people with pastries. The people should feel free to invest their pastry money in what ever way they see fit. Maybe they don't want to invest in pastries at all. Maybe they're a bacon and eggs kind of crowd. "Buy your own fucking breakfast," says the Texas congressman.
Tune in next week when MSNBC reveals which candidate tops the list in toilet paper spending.
2 comments:
And where is everyone's favorite libertarian, Ron Paul? Well, I think the answer is simple. He firmly believes that the government should not be responsible for supplying it's people with pastries. The people should feel free to invest their pastry money in what ever way they see fit. Maybe they don't want to invest in pastries at all. Maybe they're a bacon and eggs kind of crowd. "Buy your own fucking breakfast," says the Texas senator.
LOVE THIS. : )
I suspect McCain to be the biggest toilet paper user, but I could be wrong. Everyone in politics is full of crap.
That was too easy.
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